I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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