he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
