Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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