If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
