Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
