she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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