I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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