I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This house was built for laser tag.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's great music for shaving your balls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
