what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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