Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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