Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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