That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
