What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize