I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
