This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize