i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
