I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When did angry sex become our thing?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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