Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
