1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
