3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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