So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
