Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
