I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
