so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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