I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
