: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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