Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
