dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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