just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
