Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
