Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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