My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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