Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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