i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
