Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
