i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
