I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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