Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
