Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
