Pants 0. Shit 1.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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