White coat. Heels.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
