Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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