You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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