worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
