nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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