There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I didn't notice because vodka
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
