i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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