my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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