I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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