So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
