He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
