yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
