Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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