Yo dont text me then not text me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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