I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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