wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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