i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
