I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
