We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
