It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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