I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
