It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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