hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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