there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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