Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
