hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
