I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize