I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
