Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
