guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
