Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
