some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
