Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
