Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
