I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
