I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
