wrigley field is MILF paradise
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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