im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
