you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
