Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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