mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
