I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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