He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My balls are so social today.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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