yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I am midnight drunk by noon
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
