my phone needs a breathalizer
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
