Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
