end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize