after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
