If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
